Healthy striving is pursuing a particular routine with positive intentions. It focuses on embracing the journey instead of solely achieving a particular outcome. How about perfectionism?
Perfectionism, on the other hand, involves compulsive efforts towards an unrealistic end goal. Taken to an extreme, it disrupts one’s wellbeing and daily functioning. While it might have also stemmed from good intentions, there is often underlying emotional baggage beneath the desire to achieve a goal.
The Psychology
Two factors to determine whether your actions are driven by healthy striving or unhealthy perfectionism:
i. Sense of Self-Worth
Discipline complemented with a healthy sense of self-worth (and vice versa) creates tremendous positive growth. People driven by positive commitment believe they are worthy of their goals. They know they are worth the inevitable sacrifices and mistakes along the path of goal attainment.
However, discipline driven by low self-worth may escalate into compulsive-perfectionistic behaviors because they don’t feel worthy of potential sacrifices. Therefore, there will always be a constant need to ‘make up for their mistakes’. Every failure (whether it is self-perceived or real) reinforces the cycle of compensating for an underlying emotional inadequacy.
Question Prompt: Are you trying to honour growth or to compensate for inadequacy?
ii. Perception of Free Will
A healthy commitment to your actions is an active choice you make. You wake up and know that you have the freedom to commit to that particular action, or not. People with healthy discipline celebrate their freedom of choice and are willing to accept the costs and rewards linked to each action they make.
Actions driven by perfectionism are motivated by the belief that they cannot do anything else. You feel powerless because you wake up believing that happiness will only exist upon achieving a certain standard.
Question Prompt: Is the pursuit of your goals providing you happiness and freedom in itself? Or are your happiness and freedom dependent on the outcome of your goal?
Personal Backstory
We’ve heard tales of people so consumed by their hustle and passions, that they neglect their own wellbeing, sacrifice meaningful relationships, and ultimately lose their peace of mind. I’ve hovered on the tightrope between striving and perfectionism, especially during my days of anorexia and competitive academics. I nailed planning routines, making lists, and actually putting them into action. Albeit it being an extremely admirable habit, it had all been driven by the need to compensate for inadequacy. And over time, this discipline escalated into obsessive routines that robbed all flexibility and joy. Without a pre-planned to-do-list, or if I failed to complete even one task on my list, I would spend the whole day ruminating.
My life back then revolved solely around what I had to achieve – which included the desire to be thin and to meet my academic demands. But although I had achieved what I wanted – I lost the weight, and got the grades; I also lost the ability to live beyond a checklist.
Noticing Unhealthy Perfectionist Tendencies
1. Inability to Take Necessary Time-Off
A clear sign of falling off the wrong side of the line would be the unwillingness or inability to take time off when you need to. You begin to perceive physical and social needs as an interference towards your goals. For example, being unable to take time off an exercise routine when you get injured or feeling anxious when you miss a day of work. These routines convince you to neglect your basic or emergency needs. It convinces you to skip meals, lose sleep, miss family dinners.
2. Toxic Portrayal of Hustle
Hustle culture is extremely celebrated and encouraged in modern work and academic settings. By emphasizing the “no pain no gain” mentality, we are portraying a lifestyle where self-neglect becomes an indicator of success – but is it really?.
While a good work ethic should indeed be promoted, we need to be aware when our hustle begins eating away at our health and quality of life. Are you working hard because it adds meaning to both your life and others? Or are you self-neglecting to seek external validation or to gain sympathy?
Turn Unhealthy Perfectionism back to Healthy Striving:
1. Healing From The Sense of Inadequacy
I understand how many of us had been conditioned (and in some cases threatened) to achieve impossible standards. While this requires a lot of deep reflection and therapy to overcome, it is good to be aware of what actions are driven by the need to compensate for our worth.
As part of our deeper healing, we can remind ourselves about our intentions and values. Aligning your actions with your values shifts your perspective from the end-goal to the journey. Upon that, think about how each step of the journey can positively contribute to yourself and others. This process can be a healing one in itself!
2. Embracing Spontaneity and Flexibility
Coming out of obsessive-compulsive tendencies, it’s a balancing act between having a routine and being flexible to sudden changes. I personally still live by to-do lists, but nowadays, I allow myself space needed for unexpected possibilities. Good project and good time management all involve working around spontaneous or unpredictable events, instead of seeing them as roadblocks. A sustainable routine also requires proactivity with your personal wellbeing. Most importantly, there shouldn’t be anxiety or guilt by missing a day or two.
Concluding thoughts…
Embracing imperfect routines and learning to bounce back from setbacks make up the true elements of meaningful growth. A good work ethic and healthy hustle should help cultivate your creative spirit instead of depleting it. Ultimately, you deserve a life of beautiful versatility, one that is beyond a fixed schedule.
