I'm A Recovered Anorexic But I Can't Love My Body

I’m A Recovered Anorexic But I Can’t Love My Body

The Body Positivity Movement

The Body Positivity Movement encourages body diversity, helping people build confidence while addressing the negative impact of unrealistic body standards. It challenges societal values by going against traditional views of ideal shape, size, and appearance. 

Recently, body positivity has been widely promoted on media as celebrities and influencers today participate in this new self-love movement. It is an amazing shift from the #thinspo and #thighgap trend we used to see. Undoubtedly, I do think it will help improve body image among young media consumers.

Sometimes Positivity Doesn’t Always Fit Your Reality

One-third of children aged 5 to 6 prefer a body size leaner than their current perceived size (Hayes & Tantleff-Dunn, 2010). Furthermore, children by the age of 6, are aware of dieting and may even have tried it (Dohnt & Tiggemann, 2004, 2006). These incidences highlight the long-term conditioning in which we criticize every inch of our skin and bone. Therefore, it only makes sense that appreciating our bodies as it is will not happen by a snap of our fingers. You may even start doubting yourself more as you struggle to embrace this new self-love movement, especially when your favorite online figure effortlessly hashtags #bodypositivity in her post-workout selfie. 

Loving my body was the last thing I could do when I was recovering from anorexia. Every waking morning of my weight-restoration period felt heavy and tiring. I wanted so badly to be able to practice body positivity and appreciate my much-needed weight gain. Some days I could do it, but on most days I just wanted to hide in bed and cry. 

While positive self-statements have been believed to improve self-esteem and mood, there are mixed findings according to psychological research. A study discovered that repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, but only to a limited degree. Moreover, they found that when those with low self-esteem repeat positive affirmations they don’t really believe in, they were left feeling worse about themselves than before. (Wood, Perunovic, and Lee, 2009). 

For those coming from a past of distorted self-image, definitions of positive and negative body image may be confusing. More so, the body positivity trend is inevitably still highlighting the body as an important element of self-perception, while neglecting other elements of one’s identity. 

Placing Less Value On Vanity Through Body Neutrality

Body Neutrality: Respecting our bodies without the pressure of making a positive or negative judgment. It encourages removing the mental spotlight off your body and focusing on other aspects of self-perception. 

i. Removing The Black-And-White Of Self-Perception

Body Neutrality gave me a form of self-acceptance without judging myself as good or bad (or as per ever-changing societal standards). It is okay to feel great about yourself, and just as okay to feel like shit on some days. Finding that enoughness in being okay helped steer me away from self-criticism, without the pressure of having to “love my body”. 

ii. Providing Mental Clarity

Body Neutrality simplified things. It gave me more headspace to focus on other aspects of my life just by generally worrying less about how I looked. I could focus on other strengths and hobbies while being able to appreciate my surroundings and loved ones more. Gradually, the self-love thing came as a by-product of the fulfillment from other aspects of life. 

iii. Improved Mindset towards Fitness and Rehabilitation

Fitness is a big part of my life. However, a big part of fitness is vanity. Being in the fitness industry with a history of body image disorders undeniably puts one at a high risk of relapse. Thankfully, practicing body neutrality diverted my focus away from aesthetics and even improved my functionality and performance. I was able to leverage this newfound mental space and educate myself on physiology and functional skills.

Holding a neutral stance towards my physique also helped me cope with an accident where I had fractured both my ankles. Being wheelchair-bound for three months, the old me would have worried about the physical changes and performance loss during my recuperation period. However, shifting my focus away from my body and towards my health allowed me to embrace natural body fluctuations. I ruminated less about the possible weight changes during my rehabilitation, at the same time removing the pressure to always stay positive. 

Concluding Thoughts

While the body positivity movement is a wonderful shift from past body image propaganda, preaching self-acceptance while still bombarding images of a certain ideal can be damaging.

Nevertheless, I long for the day all body types are accepted, by the media but most importantly by our own selves. The body positivity movement has definitely been an encouragement for many and myself as well, and although I have yet to practice it, I fully support what it has done for body image and self-perception today. 

However if you still find it difficult to love yourself unconditionally, don’t fret. While it is definitely not easy to look into the mirror and show yourself unconditional appreciation, acknowledge that there is a middle ground that you can camp out at. Find a practice where you can shift the mental spotlight to qualities that actually matter. One that comes from a place of respect, non-judgment, and where okay is enough.

Sending Strength,

Janessa

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