Happiness is a side effect, not a goal.

My crawl out of my depression (and eating disorder) hole wasn’t prescriptive nor strategic. I kept my expectations on the floor, and I didn’t have a therapist back then either. 

I just wanted to do stuff and not feel dead on the inside. To have the physical, mental, and emotional, and perhaps even spiritual energy to engage with the world. I just want to be able to hang out with people, walk around, and work without feeling like I was going to shut down all the time. 

With that in mind, I just took incremental and experimental steps to change the way I approached my health, the way I talked to myself, and eventually the way I lived. 

I never noticed it back then. But having the intention of simply improving my energy levels was what helped me clear that heavy fog. And as a side effect, I was able to catch glimpses of what people call happiness.

The Reflex of Purpose

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps The Score touches upon what Ivan Pavlov calls The Reflex of Purpose. Pavlov understood that all creatures need a purpose, and that this sense of purpose involves both emotions and movement. 

Knowing this, we are invited to look at our emotions and actions not just as problems to be managed, but as assets that need to be organized our enhance our sense of purpose. 

Dr. Bessel then asks this pivotal question:  How do we help people (and ourselves) regain the energy to engage with life and develop their lives to the fullest? 

But, vitality requires maintenance. 

As much as we don’t like to hear it, it takes work. The good news is, when you do it from the perspective of wanting to show up fully for the world, its work that you will want to do. 

Whether it’s developing a better relationship with food and exercise, empowering your own financial freedom, or simply just getting out of bed each morning to brush your teeth – having that intention in mind serves as the foundation of your vitality, and eventually your life.  

Break the illusion of perfection 

Of course, it’s normal to have low energy days and seasons. We’re only human after all. Vitality and happiness, like everything in life, comes and goes. If anything, forcing yourself to always feel great might only drain you more. Embrace the ebb and flow. Appreciate the light when it shines. Appreciate darkness because it is the space for that light.