We all know the classic “believe in yourself” clichés that you probably have floating around your Pinterest feeds. Of course, these affirmative statements have their role to play in our self-esteem and confidence. But more often than not, “believing in yourself” can also mean believing your deep-rooted limiting beliefs and irrational thoughts. And we do the latter more often than actually believing in the positives of our lives.
Just count how many times in the past week you’ve indulged in statements like “I’m not qualified for that job”, “I embarrassed myself so much in that Zoom call”, or “I never do anything right”. And how many times these statements have hindered you from progressing forward.
Just like you. I was faced with numerous challenges this year that required me to question everything I know and believe. And as paradoxical it may seem, these kinds of doubts helped me cultivate more progress and authenticity. Here’s why:
Three Reasons Why You Need to Stop Believing in Yourself
1) Limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are the thoughts and opinions you believe to be the absolute truth. They could be beliefs about yourself, the people around you, or the world. While some of these may be true, they become dangerous when you let them take the driver’s seat.
And whether you realize it or not, you’re always indulging in a bubble bath of limiting self-beliefs. Why? Because it’s comfortable. Warm. Safe. Familiar.
Yes, it’s okay to feel bad about yourself sometimes. But do you really want to become pruny and wrinkly because you stayed in the water for too long? I doubt so.
For instance, I’ve always believed I was too boring of a person to be around. Hence, I excused myself from social settings so that I don’t bore people. This limiting belief not only limited the social opportunities I could’ve had. It also affected my professional endeavors.
Believing in our limiting beliefs as we can see, has far-reaching consequences. Without awareness, they can poorly impact our moods, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, and physical health too.
2) Biases and heuristics
The human capacity to perceive reality is pretty limited. Why?
First, we rely on mental heuristics, or mental shortcuts, to make sense of the world faster.
Second, we react according to our cognitive biases, which include flaws related to human memory and attention.
These two things are our brain’s efforts to simplify the incredibly complex world in which we live. Hence, they have direct implications on the way we make judgments and decisions in our daily lives.
For example, many of us don’t give ourselves a second chance because of one failure or setback. We don’t realize how often we live by heuristics and biases like these; how often we generalize a past event into a yet-to-exist future. Remember, just because you failed in the past doesn’t mean that you will fail again.
Clearly, relying on existing heuristics or biases can make it difficult to see alternative solutions and possibilities.
3) Emotional influence
Humans are emotion-driven beings. We’re easily swayed by how we feel – which often leads us to make rash decisions.
This is clearly evident in research: we’re more likely to see something in a more positive light when we’re in a positive mood. Whereas negative emotions drive us to focus on the downsides of a decision.
Therefore, it’s nothing but helpful to question your thoughts and decisions when you’re in an emotional low.
What You Should Believe in Instead
1) The actions you take
I truly believe actions should come before belief. If I had waited until I believed in myself to do anything, I’d probably be dead by now (not even joking). I certainly didn’t believe I could pull myself out of the depths of my depression. Nor did I believe I would ever put my introverted-timid ass in front of a stage to teach group fitness.
For anything to happen, I needed to put in the work regardless of whether I believed in myself. And self-belief eventually came as a by-product of action, rather than it being a driving force. And confidence eventually grows after standing up from rejection, criticism, and a literal ankle fracture.
2) The process
Trusting the process essentially means letting go and having faith that things will eventually untangle in their own time.
Why is this important? Because there are just so many things we just cannot control. And no amount of self-belief will ensure that everything will go your way.
Concluding thoughts…
“Why do you believe everything you think?”
The take-home question for you is, “Why do you believe everything you think?”
We carry outdated thoughts and beliefs from all areas of our life, and we treat them as though they are our realities. Hence, it’s time to question what we’ve always known to be the truth. And then take leaps even though it goes against what we’re comfortable knowing.
I too have buried myself under so many unhelpful narratives for so many years. But knowing that I can take little steps each day to re-shape these blunt beliefs has already done so much for me. In fact, I owe to myself and the world to do that, and so do you.
René Descartes said in the 17th century “I think, therefore I am,”. Though, I guess modern psychology has presented us with a deeper, more viable truth that we can consider: “I am, therefore I think.”
